Consumed by desire

Sexual energy is a nuclear energy, as with many things it is typically expressed, or repressed, in a highly productive or destructive form.

The systems of old:  those prehistoric, superstitious, and futile modes of ancient, eastern, Gnostic, alchemical knowledge, provided implicitly grave warnings as to the misuse of sexual energy, often advocating sexual abstinence – a preservation and transmutation of this dynamic and ever-abundant pool of energy. It was necessary that high levels of discipline and discernment co-existed with the expression or release of sexual energy. This chi was to be used individually to enhance creative and imaginary capacity or in union to achieve high states of conscious and spiritual expression – not to blow in to a sock or Kleenex¬© by way of pronograpbic embrace, or on to the being of any random kind of stranger who offers us eyes at a bar or cafe. The sexual process was sacred and divine and held in a regard largely unknown to this age….

Growing up in these sexually liberal times, we are taught to eschew and balk at past cultures and their backward view of the sex and sexuality. From our vantage point they were repressed. They condemned the lewd and wanton defectors of the moral perfectitude of the age, demonstrating sometime cruel punishment towards those who exhibited wild or indecent, “immoral” sexual behavior.

Held back for so long from expressing our beast nature at maximum capcity, from indulging every perverse wisp of imagination, we are now ferociously making up for lost time. But one need wonder, how self-directed is our relationship with sex and our sexual energy? Does it stem from within, and was our liberation from sexual oppression initiated by we the people for the people, or are there larger cultural-directing, humanity-molding forces at play. Is our sexual energy being used to execute some kind of an agenda? Like the mined rawness of uranium, refined and put to use for both power generation and slaughter – in the past was our individual and collective sexual energy being siphoned and directed to create something? Think, the enlightenment period in to the Industrial Revolution – mass human ingenuity, creativity and work ethic, paired with a less lewd and sexually constricted population (e.g. our sexually energy, culturally constricted from being released, was being directed externally to create, build, labor and expand the reaches of human endeavor). Now, is it being allowed full expression in order to debilitate man and destroy something, all under the guise of freedom and the pop-academic-psychology of sexual health and regular and often and varied sex is indeed good for you? Look at the laziness, stupidity, lack of capacity for insight that scrawls over the majority. Look at that listless whimper in the eye of most men and that scowl of complete dissatisfaction worn on the faces of most women. Have we been played, again?

Could be an irregularity or a complete coincidence. After all we successfully emerged from the dark ages and are being guided by a linear, never-faltering, upward ascending stretch of human evolution – improving with the week, always in the process of leaving behind our crude and pathetic ancestral equivalents. We broke the chains of suppression – those days where we sported hair shirts and our daughters adorned perfectly fitted chastity belts. Where we were forced to embrace a church morality and fear a man in the sky, or rather where HE would send us if we were to err, fantasize of our neighbor or murder our enemy. Now, we are free, and everything is attuned according to what we require and need as a human species. Free no hold barred expression has sprung us from servitude and slavery. Finally, we are able to achieve our potential; with no restrictions, utopia will soon reign. I was captured by this thinking from youth. Maybe the cartoons pounded it all in to my wee and unstable psyche, maybe it was the progressive curriculum, constructed in dark rooms and perpetuated by non-thinking, mechanistic “educators”. For some reason the delusion shrank as adolescence wore off. The fear of walking in to this unknown deception grew, and I simply tried to stay attuned to the workings of what we would all soon face.

Okay, so look around and really get conscious of the situation. Where are we? Thinking hard about this and with an unnerving honesty, some desperate conclusions may be reached. Have we reached this pinnacle of human evolution that was promised? Have the gifts of “freedom”, liberation, and total eradication of any kind of higher purpose of guide resulted in an exalted and better functioning human expression? No, we are deceived and diseased, fat and greedy and totally out of sync with the extent to which the human society has been fucked over. Homelessness, despair, suicide, and desperation grows. People feign smiles as they engage in the various and mandated aspects of their prefabricated lives, but these are not lives they are stagnant, hollow, wastes of time, serving the vision of others. People reproduce dead idols and beat dead concepts and chain themselves further to the illogical ideologies of political actors and demonstrably fake and undermining working-class saviors. We exist in the most frustrating cycles of political and economic servitude, more than content to outsource all aspects of our struggle to a long landed, well-established elite faction that regularly laughs in our distressed and confused faces. We eat poison, and lay idyll, praying to ever new figures of celebrity and sporting culture. We embrace meaninglessness at every turn and confuse others’ accomplishments for our own, simply because we clap our hands and wave a flag, or adorn a symbol. Culture is sick someone said (Terence?), but it is also repugnant and disgusting, and many see this, but what an overwhelming conclusion this is to draw – I live in a fucked up and diseased and rotten world, now what? Everything I know is a fucking ridiculous sham and I and many of my kin bought and believed and funded it for so long. How does one shrug that off and move in to actuality and truth? We don’t, so instead we recede to the safe spaces of our chemical and electronic distractions, and pretend that Darwin was right, that we are indeed ascending to a new plateau of human achievement and belief. Our capacity to maintain the charade is bar none our greatest accomplishment in the modern era.  But I digress with such passion and energy – no focus, discipline or consistency, cannot even maintain a point of view here.

Since maturity sexually liberal, I have never been attuned to the prude mentality and have only recently come to ponder how modern man’s relationship with sexuality impacts and contributes to  these strange times in which we helplessly dwell. I have no answers, only observations – forged mostly through my own dysfunction and confusion, and of course by viewing the insane and diseased actions of my fellow brother and sister.

Any one person keeping score can quite easily see that some dramatic shifts have taken place in the past 60 years. Maybe it all started with the revelation of some foreign leg on television, and now we have 4 year old girls, at the behest of their parents, dressed like prostitutes, twerking on social media. Men dress up like synthetic dolls and revel in their obsession with My Little Pony, as a customer orders a human doll from the dark web, as politicians and societal leaders orchestrate child sex rings, as dysfunctional and predatory abusers of innocence clamor to have pedophilia  placed within the ever-expanding parameter of accepted sexual conduct.  All perversions are catered to. Cheap, casual, emotionless sex can be ordered on a host of smartphone applications, and it all oozes and bleeds sex: imagery, sitcoms, marketing, cartoons, whatever and everything.  It is all about sex – its promotion and propagation. We have gone fucking insane. Is this all normal? Or not even normal, but is it conducive to a population that is growing and evolving and attempting to expand healthy relationships, boundaries and ways of interacting with one another? How are we doing people? How does freedom and liberation taste? Rather bitter isn’t it…not at all what I expected.

And the circle closes. These and various other observations have caused me to look back in time and consider whether our antiquated intellectual forefathers were indeed on to something. Maybe they were so fervent about safeguarding sexual energy and processes because they knew society would blow-up if allowed unfettered access to this power.

The result of this has an implosion not an explosion…in a wasted life of a man, there is very little collateral damage. We whimper along, void of the intellectual and emotional power that has been consumed by sexual obsession and desire. In truth we are a fraction of what we once where and of what we could be, but we will continue waving our banners, singing our songs, and engaging in what feels right and pleasurable. As long as we can, we will placate the terrifying truth.

The warm wind is now being felt on that bare and dimpled cheek, the womb-like pleasure that precedes the fission of misspent energy.

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